Hi everyone. This picture is probably my one and only picture that I have of my 3 boys. I have one more but its a family picture. I wish I would have taken more to look back on. When it was just Jared, hubby and I took so many pictures, we were overloaded with them...then it came to Logan (my 8 year old)and we didnt take so many. Well then Aidan (the baby) comes and we have very little. A year and a half later, Jared dies and here comes the regret. I know...when a loved one passes away, it's always a bunch of if onlys. If only I did this or did that has driven me crazy over the past 8 months that I have to stop with all the regrets and keep all the treasured moments. I have MANY of those and I will be writing (blogging) about them on other days.
Jared, as you probably know now, was my special needs boy (my oldest...14). He is and always will be my biggest joy in life because to me, he was "a perfect child living in a not so perfect world". He was like an angel showing us and others what life was REALLY about. For that to have been his calling in life...which I believe it was...for so many reasons. Most importantly for me because I had a very troubled childhood. (My mother left me not once but twice...I've disowned her as my mother....until I had Jared and he made me see the light.)
Aidan is the baby of the boys. It saddens me to know that he was so young when Jared died...I really wish Jared could have stayed awhile longer. Even though it was a tragedy in the way we lost Jared (which will be another post), I now feel that maybe it WAS his time to go...especially because at times before he passed, I had thoughts of who was going to take care of him the way we did...with absolute tender loving care...as if he were our only child. Sometimes those thoughts were really painful.
Logan is my middle child. I'm glad that he spent a lot of his time with Jared. He was always good to him...he and Jared used to watch Disney movies together. Here's a picture of Logan watching TV with Jared(although the television not in pic, was on a dresser so Jared could see it...and Logan would sit on this stool).
So these are my little men and they ALL bring me such joy. Thanks for coming by. Until next time...God Bless all of You!
It is so easy to look back during difficult times and think "if only". I guess all we can do is try to do better next time.
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